Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The mind that is Kenyan..


So the following morning (this is about my passport by the way..) i got to this guyz office, bright and early, and sure enough i found him sittin in his office, "processing" an illegal 'alien', some dude from Nigeria.. Anyway, he asked me to give him a few moments as he proceeded to throw unsavoury unmentionables at the hapless man.

"Ulikuwa unaleta drugs hapa?" On realising that the dudes swa was worse than his, he went on to mock him in English. I was getting very nervous at this point. He seemed like a no-nonsense dude. A few minutes later, he called me in and asked me to state my 'biznez' He was a kisii dude, (coincidence or plain old Kenya?) Very warm person i was glad to learn. Then he asked about where in kisii i was from, "and your dad, his wife.. etc.. blah blah blah.." and we carried on like a house on fire.

Some of us can't speak our mother tongues, lakini at this very moment, i was wishin i could, you know, just break into an eloquent trip of kisii, to 'smooth my way'? Too bad. The mother tongue story, by the way, is for another day.

He took all the docs that i had come with, got me a receipt and told me to come see him in a week. Said he'd hang on to the receipt to keep checkin whether the passport was ready.

I left the room thanking him immensely, but wondering at the back of my mind when he'll ask for his cut. He didn't. I figured he'll probably need it once the 'goods' are delivered.. hmm..

(A week later...)
I got to his office early in the morn. I was warmly received. Almost thought i might get a cup of coffee to start me off. He was honest. He had not checked whether the passport was ready or not. "What shall we do?"
I thought he might have started to play games with me.. or better still posturing for his 'cut'?? But he quickly burst that bubble.
We do have some good people on the face of this planet! He handed me the receipt i'd left and told me to follow it up downstairs. Well, that basically meant that i wouldn't be seeing him again... he wouldn't be getting anything from me. hmm...
"where's the catch", i thought. Felt very awkward as i left the room, wondering when he'll stop me and stick out his hand. Lakini Kenya is truly changing. He just wished me a good day and reminded me to learn kisii. And off i went.

When we return.. all about the passport receiption at Nyayo hse. and "the 10 top reasons you want to get your passport NOW!"

One more interesting thing i felt i must share with yo'all..
did you know that in Canada they put on pics of ischaemic brains from stroke victims, brown teeth from frequent smokers and bent cigarettes to take advantage of visual cues reminding people of it's association with impotence..

A study showed that 21% of smokers were tempted to have a cigarette but decided not to because of the new warnings and among non-smokers, 48% said the new warnings made them feel better about being a non-smoker.
A puff, anyone?

Baadayez,
The WebDoc.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Anointed handkerchiefs? Only in America...

Hamjamboni?
I thot i should write about some interesting "public advisory"(a very long ad actually) that i watched on american teli' jana. It was entitled anointed handkerchiefs! I thot' this must be another bishop Deya sort.
Turns out his plot is a lot more subtle, almost innocent. The instructions he gives are as follows: (& notice the consistent use of 'please'..)

1.Please send me your name and address, nothing more and I will send you a free "Bible red blood of Jesus" prayer handkerchief, postage paid.
(yes, FREE! so you think "where's the catch..")

2.Please do not tell me what you need or what you are going through. Allow the Spirit of God to speak to me concerning your needs.

3.When you receive your prayer handkerchief, go to a quiet place where there is no one but you and God, then watch God speak into your life.

4.I want you to keep the prayer handkerchief for 24 hours and 24 hours only.

5.Then rush it back to me and when I receive it, I will feel your needs and what you are going through.

6.I will then place it into my beautiful, anointed hope chest and pray daily for you.

...hmm. Didn't get the part where your miracle is revealed on receipt of the small sum of....?

Well, that's because it wasn't there. However, he kindly requests you to visit his website and make an even kinder donation.. to do the work of God, of course, which is in no way tied to the fruitition of your miracle.

But there are no consequences outlined if 4 example, the hanky doesn't make it on time. The Postal Service could be on strike? or if you had the sniffles and (God forbid) used the hanky for more than just pray? will it backfire? I was thinking of raising those issues with him, u know, just in case..

What most people might not realise is that this same ad is seen by thousands of other people, some more easily swayed than others and these guyz end up making obscene amounts of cash.(being fanatically religious is not a bad thing, it's a dangerous one)

No wonder then that u'll hear of cults (even in Stato') where a huge group of 'stable-minded','reasonable',good people on command of their 'leader' can do things as outrageous as giving off all their hard earned possesions and money to these 'fishers-of-men' or worse, setting themselves on fire, to get to heaven!
Such indoctrination can occur especially to people who are emotionally vulnerable, for eg. depressed and very lonely persons.

Those interested in knowing more about the above mentioned's ministry, fear not, i got his website where he accepts cheques as well as plastic, by the way.
www.kerneythomas.org

Moral of the story?
U can make money anywhere in the world,there is always a bunch of gullible folk, ata kama ni Stato'.

Monda,
blogging 2 weeks b4 i leave stato'.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Small victories..


...it took me sometime to get round to writing this part of my storo's lakini,nimekuwa 'bizee' kidogo. Where was i?
..So 2 weeks later,i got back to the Registrar of Persons to pick my birth cert.I thought i should also remind you guyz how far AG's place is from the KenCom bus stop. U have to walk from Kencom to past Kenya Cinema, up the entire length of Harambee Av. b4 u get there. Any way,moving things along, i was pleasantly surprised to find that the guyz down there actually do some work.
No big promises, but no big disappointments either! I did line up for almost 45 mins, and it did take them another 5 minutes to shuffle thru' the piles of rummage, but finally,i got it. After hours of agonising queues and missed ward rounds,it was well worth it. The pieces seemed to be falling together.My ID and birth cert were sorted out,now for my passport. 2 days later,and in true Kenyan fashion,i called my bro', who'd told me that some friend of his had known someone at Nyayo hse,who'd helped him get his.I wasted no time.
Somewhere on 17th floor(i think) was where i had to go. Somehow i was not surprised when i got there and his sec told me that he was in the field. "The field?", i ask. Apparently this guy is like immigration security, or something, so he had gone to bring in some illegal 'alien'. Yeah, looks like it's not just America that has problems with "illegals". The govt. here(Stato) wants to build a fence right across their border with Mexico.Lakini Mexicans have been known to build tunnels under border posts! Such is the desperation to get into America. There are 300 million Americans,and it's estimated that as many as 11 million of them are illegal.I think it's true, since almost all of u reading this knows one of them...
So back to my vibe. i decided waiting was not an option,no one knew when he'd be back(isn't that the best job in the world?) "lakini, utampata asubuhi b4 8.30.." It looked like i was going to have a very early morning,2 beat the traffic and make sure i don't miss the dude.

Lazima nilale sasa, kesho, sio?
Pamojaz,
Monda.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

So you want to come to the States?

Let me take a break from the stories surrounding my coming to America, to give you some tips on how u can come to America. This will probably benefit ma-4th year na ma-3rd year wa 2006, who might want to do their elective in Stato'. It's been quite an experience getting thingz together to get here.

First rule of course is: Be Prepared
This will save you a lot of embarrassments and lost opportunities. You should never be unsure about anything. Welcome to Google! Any information about any program (at least in America) will be on the net, somewhere. If there is one thing that you'll want to remember after reading this blog, remember that.
Where do you want to go for your elective?
You could apply for the
- Univ. of Washington elective, that is sponsored by the Obs/Gyn Dept. Details will be put on the dean's notice board sometime during 4th year. Keep your eyes peeled. I remember a number of people not amused by the fact that 'no-one' told them about it, or 'someone' pulled down the notice b4 they got a look at it.
or- Kansas Univ. Med. Center
A few blogs from this one, i'll get some web addresses for some other uni's that you might want to check out.
You have to know what you need and by what/which date u must have it. Again, all of that will be online, once you've identified a program that you're interested in. And you might want to note that they call such programs externships, not electives, which usually have a different meaning here.

This is information is hardly exhaustive, but i'll drop a few more 'words of advice' in my later posts. So drop by again.
My Herculean efforts to get to the states continue tomorrow.

Baadayez,
The WebDoc.

Monday, December 12, 2005

the govt. office and my bad back.

Enyewe,
Kenyans are amazing people. I got to the office at 9 am,(having skived ward rounds) to find another 'umati' of warm bodies at the AG's office, all ready for the fight to the front. Kwani they swatched here? So i got behind a queue, the right one this time, and watched as people pushed,shoved and snuck to front of the line.
"Wewe! Unafikiria sisi sio watu! Toka hapo. Jinga wewe!", some dude was being verbally bashed by my irate queue members.I almost got in a word, lakini this was not my kind of drama. People had all sorts of issues and baggage that they carry around and cutting a line at a public place with Kenyans watchin you is not a good idea. My back by the way was killing me by now. I can't tolerate standing 4 long periods. It was almost 10am and i was still on my feet, the line was barely moving. When i finally got to the front(phew..) i was handed a form. "Jaza hio, alafu uendee counter 3 na fifty bob." sh*t!
This was not what i was hoping to hear. Counter 3 had another line.. and i had almost run out of patience with these people
Efficiency,isn't always a strong point of govt offices, but this was too much. I'd lined up for an hour only to be handed a form, to join another queue? If any one reading this becomes prezzi, or even a minister.. pliz, weka tarakalishi kwenye afisi za uma. yaani.. Computerize!! That way,fewer Kenyans will spend less time on shorter queues and work even harder for the nation.
To cut another long story short, one hour later, i left with a receipt & slip saying that i would get my birth certificate in 2 weeks time-taken with a pinch of salt, of course.

Keep it blogged,
more tomorrow,
The WebDoc.

if you don't know someone, who knows someone..



..p.s - 1st time readers, this blog starts at the bottom..

Bila idea of what to do, i get back to campo, to get somebody who know's someone, who might have insight concerning this process... you know, the people who swear they got their ID's in like 2 dayz? Kumbe campo is a melting pot of people of all sorts.
"Chief wa-home ni rela..", or
"at our 'place'(read shaggz),our id's come back immediately." But one person did tell me that NSSF guyz would treat me well if i told them i was a student and needed it pronto. NSSF has many floors, trust me. I was directed to almost 5 different offices on 5 different floors. And when i finally got to the right place, i was told that the dude is in class. That's right. This dude, who is supposed to be an integral part of the working nation, is not in the office and won't be from 10 am to 4pm for the next 6 weeks b'coz he's attending some 'classes'. I was 'advised' to show up the following morning at 8 if i wanted any chance of seeing him.
8 on the dot, i was at the reception. And so was a 'halaiki ya watu'. Lined up, for another hour,b4 i got to present my case. The guy was very understanding, much to my surprise. Told me to leave the documents with his sec and come back in a week, for 'majibu'
But kenyan's will be kenyan's, and to cut a long story short, i ended up going back and forth between his office and campo, and spendin my hard earned credo calling only to be told.. mdosi hayuko leo, or the secretary whose handlin your work is not here.. and even once... i've called archives downstairs - na hawaoni hio file yako!!W.T.H*ll?

3 weeks after i first went to NSSF, i walked out as the proud holder of a new 'kitambulisho'. Now to get my birth certficate.
If u think you've lined up, then you've never been to the Registrar of Person's at the AG's offices!! I got onto a wrong line, only to be told at the window that i was supposed to start - pale. "Kwani haujui vile tunafanya kazi hapa?" yeah, like i come for a new birth certificate ever week!
i had had enough for one day, so i just left to come back the following day. I think i had to read for some Obs/Gyn test. Or attend some teaching.. but i was certainly not going to line up again. Tomorrow - government offices, the stairs and my bad back.(The sequel)

See you kesho,
keep it blogged.
oh, and happy Jamhuri Day.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Coming to America.


Where do i start?

Probably the reason why i came to Kansas City in the first place. For an elective term for med school. The process was the usual, read poster, wrote letter, got picked, then the real problems started.
First, i'd lost literally every important document that i needed to eventually get a visa. Check this out...
1. Importantly i didn't have a passport - (and i want to go to stato??)
2. then, I'd lost my wallet with my ID card and lots of cash..
3. the same wallet also had my ATM card, which basically meant i could get my hands on liquid cash for a long while, that or i line up to pay 100 bob to withdraw cash!! (Banks !)
4. the wallet also had my University ID...
5.my birth certificate (that i was informed i had to have to apply 4 a Kenyan passport..) had got lost like 5 or 6 years ago, i couldn't even remember the last time i saw it..

in a nutshell, i had absolutely no documents to confirm my identity yet here i was hoping to travel across borders to the land of the free, home of the brave..
Anyone with an idea about how things work in Kenya would know that i was in deep sh*t, it would easily take months to get each of those documents.

This was in April, and the elective was to start in October.. i had about 5 and a half months to sort all this out.

Started at the chief's office. Yeah, they were amused at how i wanted to get an ID without any documents. They suggested i come with my school leaving certificate..
Good grief ! I couldn't even remember the first place i put that thing! No one had asked me for it, and i didn't think any one would... So to plan B. Getting a letter from the Faculty Dean. So off i went to his office..

"Ask in 02 downstairs, they will ask you to ask the Registrar's office for your "FILE""(nini hio??) i didn't know they have a FILE, for each student.. as they prepare to look for that, you should start writing a letter requesting for the letter that you are requesting from the Dean...." ??? WTF! can you believe all that? for one letter that they mail-merge for from a template? Sadly, that's how things work here, and in 3 days i got "The LETTER" from the dean. & i won't go into the exchanges that i had in the 02 office.. ..but it wasn't pleasant.

Back to the chief's office, they are glad i've got my documents in order, take my fingerprints only to tell me the ID will be ready in 3 months!!! WTF! x2 And they insist that there is nothing that they can do about that.. "It's the process.", i'm told.

This was getting from bad to worse. I needed my ID, to get my birth certificate, to get my passport, to get an interview date, to get my visa, to get to America.. .. and here even b4 i get started these people are asking me to wait 3 months!?? Simple arithmetic told me that was if
1 process = 3 months; then,
4 processes = 3 x 4 months;
12 months!!
Clearly, this was just not going to work. But i was definitely not going to fail.


Next blog: the struggle continues,
how i got my id, birth certificate, passport, visa interview, visa (yes, those 2 are purely autonomous !) and ticket..

keep it blogged.

i blog, there4 i am


Yeah people,

my 1st blog! i'm still wondering why it took me so long to actually start doing this despite wanting to do it for sijui how long?

Any how. The vibe continues kesho with storo's about KUMC... (i hope they never get to read this stuff) and the awful, awful weather.. - KUMC, by the way, is the Kansas City Med. Center. A very serious outfit in its own right.

Keep it blogged.
Monda, somewhere in America