Risky business..

It’s a pity that yo’ never told about those dark aspects of anything you are getting into. Until you actually do and find out for yo’ self.

Actor 1: Oh, kumbe you didn’t know that? E! Si uko vibaya?

You: Wat do u mean, kumbe I didn’t know? You could at least have said something, anything!

Actor 2: Pole a guy..

You: Pole ? I’m messed!

Actor 1: Well, I thought it was general knowledge, you know, common sense?

You: Common sense? Lord in heaven! What sort of people are you?

Actor 2: By the way, it was even on radio. Kwani you don’t shika Kiss @ yo’ place?

You: Kiss? I think I need to leave before I throw bottle at someone!

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Well, it wasn’t this dramatic on the said day. The assistant minister for health made a call by the hospital, and by the paediatric ward, where yours truly was busy saving yet another diseased soul.

The a/minister: Yes daktari, how r u today.

Me: Not bad sir. Not bad. Just fixing a line on this young one.

The a/minister: Hmm.. Fixing a line.. What afflicts the young one?

Me: The poor soul is dehydrated. Severely so. And we need rehydrate him urgently.

(ok, so the English wasn’t as pampered as this, lakini wat’s a story without good story-telling?)

The a/minister: You know, in my times, we used to wear shirts and ties.

Me: (Looking perplexed and disturbed) Oh!

(I was in t-shirt, jeans and sneakers!)

The a/minister: Yes! Sister, (turning to the nurse in the room) your doctors don’t dress up for work!

(..he says as he walked out of the room, cheeky smiles on the faces of many in his entourage)

It was a Saturday morning this, and trust me, was not going to wear a tie, not in that heat, and not when I least felt like working. What made this really sad, is that I was not told that the dude was showing up. Apparently, they were launching the door-to-door polio campaign and he first stop was Thika. Everyone else in the ward was crisp and shiny, dressed up like it was a Monday. It didn’t hit me until the guy left..

Actor 1: You didn’t know mheshimiwa was coming?

Me: What? Who was spreading the word? I missed that surmon!

Actor 2: Hehe.. How can you where a t-shirt when a minister is visiting?

Me: Jus’ shut up!

Actor 1: Kwani you don’t live in around? Si everyone knew?

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The rest of the conversation was mindless and sarcastic. I’ll spare yo’all the empty details. I faced no repercussions, I’m glad to say. Lakini I still can’t do ties on weekends. Iz bila!

Now speaking of risky business, this medicine profession I tell you! Our risk allowance is about 5K.. I think, maybe 3K, but I should confirm that. Anyway, one of my colleagues got TB. Drained 2 litres of effusion (fluid) from his chest! Poor fellow. But he’ll survive.

I understand he was given time to recuperate, free ward stay, drugs, consultation the works. They treat you real well when you fall ill here.

So I wonder, after 5 years, reading and sacrifice, is this what I was waiting for at the end of that proverbial tunnel? You know, bashing from govt’ officials and airborne disease from my workplace? Working weekends and alternate nights? They didn’t mention this when I was signing up for the course. Conveniently I’m sure.

Daktari, sio?

It’s risky, this business.

tHE mEDiCinEmAn

A Tale of 3 Companies

The other day, I was having a lively exchange on why Safaricom is the worst thing that happened to Kenyans.

“What? With 8 bob calls? How do you go calling them such ugly names?, ” you might wonder.

Well it wasn’t very clear to me either, but with 6+ million subscribers, Safaricom has such a powerful resource, you wouldn’t believe. And so much money, any competitors (media-speak for Celtel) can easily be priced out. Last year, they made 1 billion shillings in every month. That’s Kshs. 250 million in one week! And that is pure, clean profit! If any other company made this much in one year, they’d be considered to be doing pretty well…

Let’s talk about Celtel for a bit. Having launched their new Uhuru tariffs with a lots of flair to match, I expected a big switch from price conscious Kenyans. (I’ll tell you something about this later). It did happen, for a few days. I even got 2 Celtel lines for myself to take advantage of both the tariffs. Safaricom hit back with its 10 bob all-the-time calls and later, with the limited offer Saasa tariff, where for 12 hours a day, one can make calls @ 8 bob a minute, Safcom to Safcom of course. And as much as 52 bob per minute to call Celtel! (BTW what sort of name is Saasa? Don’t try to stretch the middle “aa” coz you’ll end up soundin real weird… or was that the idea?)

Anyway, what Safaricom had done was to effectively lock in their customers, all 6+ million of them. And charging Celtel an arm and a foot to allow calls to this pool. So during the discussion an interesting idea was floated. What if it cost you 7 or even 6 bob to call within the Celtel network? Won’t every other Kenyan have 073X sim cards in place most of the time? Besides, it hardly costs them anything to have calls routed thru’ their own network.

Sounds like a good idea, until you remember that it the reverse also applies. Wat if Safcom does the same and weka’s calls at 6 bob also? Subscribers with their other 6 million+ contacts, will stay on this network, coz it’s easier than to go around changing yo’ mobile contact etc, etc..

Effectively, there will be 6 million people calling at 6 bob on one end and only 3 million on the other, it’s easy to see who’ll be wearing the trousers in that relationship!

What about Telkom’s wireless fones? It costs only 5.50 to call another Telkom subscriber anywhere in the country, yet the uptake isn’t close to the millions that Safcom has been able to rack up. Surely people should be ready to call at these good rates!

Unfortunately for them, however, the entry costs are a bit too steep. Other than having to buy a line for 1,000 bob, one has to get a brand new handset, coz the technology can’t work with GSM fones. So a cool 5,000 bob+.. to get a fone that you’ll hardly use to call at the celebrated rate of Kshs 5.50 to another Telkom number! It only requires a basic knowledge of arithmetic and economics, to know that you’d rather bamba 50 and call a lot more people @ 8 bob!

So that round Telkom Wireless loses 10 – nil. Unfortunately, they still think in the old mindset of charging people to become your customers! That usually doesn’t work very well. I can get a Safaricom or Celtel line for as little as 40 bob. Why on earth would Telkom charge me 1,000 shillings for a piece of metal? Imagine if it still cost you 2,500 shillings for a Safaricom line? They never learn, I tell you!

So my conclusion? Even a new mobile company will not be able to nudge Safaricom out of their massive market numbers. Unless of course they have a brilliant product, that’s incredibly cheap, different, innovative, and did I say bloody cheap? It’s only in Kenya, where 99% if mobile users answering calls will have their thumbs squarely placed on the “Cancel” button to save that last few cents spent as the fone comes off my face for me to see wat I am doing. Curiously, the thumb-hovering is on calls that they are receiving and not paying for!

What do you think? Leave yo’ two cents worth of comment. Would love to here another perspective.

Should get to bed. Kesho I have a mortality meeting. We get to keep tabs on how many patients we got to kill during the month. More on that later.

Baadayez,
tHE mEdiCinEmAn.

You win some, you lose some.. (well ok, they die)

Today was one of those days that I really dread, which if fate chooses, do come pretty often. Another baby had died, and I had the unenviable task of examining the poor thing, confirming and certifying the death, and proceeding to inform the bewildered mother of the bad news.

This was particularly heart-wrenching since, it was one of a pair of twins, that I had admitted that long Sunday that I had had in the ward.

The diagnosis was pretty simple, GE in a severely dehydrated pt, to r/o Malaria. (Medical lingo for: a patient with vomiting and diarrhea who, as a result, is severely dehydrated, and since the patient complained of vomiting and fever among other shidaz, anti-malarial drugs have to be given, since we are in an endemic area.

Enough of that. Rehydration, replacement of electrolytes and quinine would sort out the problem, ideally anyway.

4 days later, while I was incidentally in the ward, the shell-shocked mother calls me and tells me that she had woken up only to find one of her babies ‘staring at her blankly’ and ‘didn’t look right’. A quick exam was conclusive. The baby had been dead for several minutes if not hours. The mother, by the way, had been staring at me intently all this time, hoping I would ease her mind from the horrible thoughts that must have been whirling around in there. The other twin was crying incessantly by now, almost as tho’ she knew what had just happened to her brother.

The part of the story I’d not told you is that this mother had delivered the twins at home 2 months ago and had not visited a clinic yet. Had not got any immunization shots. Apparently, she couldn’t carry both babies with her. Her husband was in police custody and her 6 other daughters, (yep, 6 daughters and now 8 kids) had not been at home to help her out. While her story didn’t sound particularly credible, it reminded of the many social issues that I have come across.

Many Kenyans, and probably herself as well, are not willing to spend that extra, no not extra, that last few hundred shillings to go to hospital for a problem that is not there. She’d rather spend it to buy food for tomorrow’s supper and use the rest to buy a couple of books for her other offspring that walk barefoot to school.

Poverty is easily the biggest disease in this country. This mother had lost a child from a very preventable condition that probably got worse as she hoped it would get better. Illiteracy comes in a close second. I’d tell you things mothers do to their babies that would make u scratch yo’ head, and roll your eyes. Lakini, that’s for another day. I’m on call tonite you know.

I spoke too soon. There goes my fone! Yet another sick Kenyan...

tHE mEdiCinEmAn.